We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
