apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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