Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh god the rape fog is back!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
