I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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