Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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