This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
