It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
