I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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