in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
