when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
