FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
