So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
