just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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