We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
