We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize