I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.