Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor