Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter