if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.