I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman