Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
