alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
