what day is it and did you see me today?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself