Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?