after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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