his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
