Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
