playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
