..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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