We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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