the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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