when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
