so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
