Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
