Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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