You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
