Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
