I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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