I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
being pregnant is like rehab
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
