Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
