so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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