I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
