dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
