They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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