"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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