Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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