she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
