By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
