But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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