Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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