Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
false alarm, still single
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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