Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize