I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
