Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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