Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
