no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
