Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
