I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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