Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
