i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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