i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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