He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
