look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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