I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
