Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
