Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
