i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
