Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
