He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
