Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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