this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
