I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
