yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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