Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
