OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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