I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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